Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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