she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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