We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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