i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
