I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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