my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
