Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
