I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
