Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i think i just lost a toe
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
