saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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