Already got asked if we're dating
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
