At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
