woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
