Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize