so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
