I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
