I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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