I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
