I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
