And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Randomize
