so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
