Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
