my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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