Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize