she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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