How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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