Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize