We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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