i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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