I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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