I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
