Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
