Screwed.edu
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
God I need to hump something, right now.
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