I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
