Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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