margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
