Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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