Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(604): View more from British Columbia

it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you

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(206): View more from Washington

sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before

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(314): View more from Missouri

so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.

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(970): View more from Colorado

He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center

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(530): View more from California

The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.

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(+61): View more from Australia

Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.

(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Who knew?

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