I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
