A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
how can u be prego again
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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