I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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