pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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