My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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