i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
