it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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