3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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