I skipped work to stalk him.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
