Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Randomize
