I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize