you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
