Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
