At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize