Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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