If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Randomize
