I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
