saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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