the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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