He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Holy sore nipples Batman
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
