You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize