Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
