I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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