Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
we should paint friendship bongs
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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