Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My liver just broke up with me...
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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