If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
