Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I think I won the penis lottery.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
