Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
