i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
