i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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