what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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