i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
