whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
