I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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