Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
